Index Cards

In my first draft of the Sound and the Fury exploratory essay, I completely misunderstood the definition of an "exploratory essay" and the process of writing one. I understood the content, and class discussions helped trigger my memory of plot details that I forgot since reading The Sound and the Fury over the summer. During our peer revision meeting (or whatever it was called where we met with a group to discuss our first drafts) I realized that most of my essay was spent describing the deconstruction process, and there was not really a "question" that I explored. I more or less was describing a phenomenon that I already thought a lot about and wasn't really questioning: totally not the point of writing this.
After clarifying the process with both my peers and through conferencing with Chia, I wrote down my ideas surrounding promiscuity both inside and outside the novel on index cards. This helped me get my ideas written down so none would get lost in the abyss of frantic analysis. I then removed the index cards that I thought didn't fit in to the flow of my ideas, organized the remains into a groups to form a coherent, linear outline, and drew transition notecards (arrows) between the groups. This made the essay-writing process easier, for all my ideas were laid out in front of me.
An important part of this essay was my conference as well as comments provided by my peers. Most of these comments came as questions to which I had the answers. It also made me realize how much I over-analyze.
I believe that after my ideas were drawn out of me through "verbal comments provided to me," I was able to see the big picture, and the index card process was merely a way for me to organize my essay and speed up the process a bit. In the future I would like to continue outlining my ideas in this fashion, as well as avoid over-analyzing. I just need to look at the big picture, and details will help support whatever conclusion I arrive at, but focusing on small aspects within the big picture won't help me determine anything, and I won't make sense at all.

Briony the Storyteller

Briony is introduced as a young playwright. Young. Playwright. These two words cannot describe her more. Briony always seems to be telling a story of her own, especially when she witnesses a situation she may not understand. For example, she watches her sister by the fountain with Robbie, who Briony is familiar with. She doesn't necessarily understand what is going on, so based on her sister and Robbie's actions, she more or less fabricates a story. The reader, however, is well aware of the scene by the fountain, for the previous chapter zooms in on the seemingly innocent, playful, and a bit flirtatious interaction between Cecilia and Robbie. However, Briony assumes that, because her sister removed articles of clothing, there is some sort of sexual interaction or attraction between the two; even if this is true, the situation is portrayed in a different light in the previous chapter, and neither Cecilia nor Robbie are seen as sexually-driven characters.

It seems as if Briony's interpretation of Robbie and her sister more or less changes the course of the book. She sees Robbie and Cecilia's relationship as dangerous. She witnesses another scenario in the study where her sister and Robbie are having sex, but because she is young, she perceives the situation in a different way. She truly believes that her sister is being attacked by Robbie, a sexual deviant, and needs to be rescued. Her "big lie" where she claims to have witnessed Robbie raping her cousin, Lola, is yet another example of how her misinterpretation led her to indirectly cause harm to Robbie (and Cecilia), and even herself.

In class, we perpetuated a discussion about Briony. Somehow, started talking about a conflict between Briony's supposed desire to manipulate the storyline (need for power) and her naivete. Personally, I believe that, although Briony has some desire to control and produce a situation that she feels is adequate (i.e. Trials of Arabella), this does not apply to how she misinterprets events. She is merely immature and ignorant, especially when it comes to sex and relationships.

Caddy Smells Like Bees...I Mean Trees.

I generally want to dig deeper into Caddy's character, or a specific contradiction that I noticed. Benji is portrayed throughout the novel as a mentally impaired, abnormal man incapable of surviving without being looked after by someone "normal", or competent. Caddy is portrayed as (1) loving and patient with Benjy, which no other members of the family are able to be in the same way as her, but also as (2) having a lusty, sinful nature, where she is portrayed as selfish for ruining her family's name through her sexual conquests and the reputation she has earned, or so they claim. I think there is something else to be discovered in this contradiction. It really bothers me, for I don't understand how Caddy can be both a nurturing, mother-like figure to Benjy as well as a slutty, scornful girl. It especially bothers me because, though Benjy notices the latter, he continues to love the side of her represented by the former.

What does Caddy value?
What does the Compson family feel about Caddy? Why?
What is Caddy's relationship with her brother, Benji?
Why am I so drawn to learning more about Caddy's relationship with Benji when there are still two brothers as well as a mother and a father who have relationships with her also?

Tick Tock Tick Tock

Apparently, given the confusing format of the first chapter, it is clear that Benjy has no perception of time whatsoever. He doesn't realize that events occur at different times, but rather thins that they all occur in the present. This is interesting, for quite recently I've begun to notice a human tendency to want to pinpoint exactly when something occurred while telling a story, almost as if that would prove what happened. It goes somewhat like this:



Lunchtime Talker 1: Oh my god, remember when we went to dance camp and almost killed that cat?



Lunchtime Talker 2: Hahaha! Yeah!



Random Person Joining Into Conversation: What? Please explain...



Lunchtime Talker 1: Ok, I think it was like two summers ago...



Lunchtime Talker 2: Yeah, it TOTALLY was, because I was going into sophomore year.



Lunchtime Talker 1: Yeah, so on the second to last night I think...



Lunchtime Talker 2: NO! I'm pretty sure it was the last night, because Jenn and Sam got caught sneaking out, remember?



Random Person: (I don't care when it happened, just tell the story...)



Lunchtime Talker 1: Oh, true that! Ok, so it was like, right after dinner, right?



Lunchtime Talker 2: I think so...well, it was definitely before the movie, because remember how awkward that was, sitting in a room with Stephanie after she almost had to take her cat to the emergency room?



Random Person: (&@#%$! i just want to hear the damn story)



Lunchtime Talker 1: Yeah, so like 7:39, eastern standard time, right?



Random Person: Peace out.





Though the above dialogue is a bit extreme, there is no doubt in that knowing when something happened tends to legitimize an occurrence. Benjy obviously has inclination to let the readers know when something happened, for time is far beyond his comprehension. This almost causes us to question whether or not he is dillusional, that is, until we read the following narrations from more "reliable" narrators. Benjy's relationship with time and events causes us to rely on these following chapters in order to understand the family's story.



But what does this all mean if the family's story doesn't have any significance whatsoever? Hmmm...

Hostages to Fortune

He that hath a wife and children hath given hostages to fortune.
-Sir Francis Bacon

Apparently, there is some unique form of goodness, moral uprightedness, or sincerity that a family-holder possesses. When one cares for someone in general, or a group of someones as in a family, he or she is made vulnerable; he or she needs to take that someone into careful account when making decisions rather than thoughtlessly acting on his or her own enterprising desire. This, ultimately, is a sacrifice.

So many times throguhout my childhood and adolescence I have heard the aforementioned "s" word escape my parents' mouths. Though the word may be used many times for their own self-worth, a harsh reality exists regarding that word: a family is one big sacrifice. Plain and simple. It can be argued whether people are obligated to form a family and what requirements precede the formation of a family, yet the statement remains the same.

In order to commit to caring for other human beings, one must relinquish any sense of self. This is nonetheless quite humbling. Getting married and raising children are committments that automatically require the above course of action to take place. This isn't always the case, for often times various members of a family refuse to surrender their own selfish desires, but in order to achieve the same sincerity that Bacon asks us to consider, it must be done. Bacon phrases it as a statement to make it clear that one automatically is obligated to make his or her family a priority over material successes or other self-involved concepts.


Am I willing to make that sacrifice?